【重磅】哈佛大学优选华裔录取文书点评

金秋时节悄然将至，新一学年即将开始。KEY的莘莘学子，手握心仪学校的录取通知书，怀揣着梦想，背起行囊，前往世界各地的高等学府，开启他们人生崭新的旅程。首先，让我们一睹 KEY的学生在过去一年中的傲人战绩：

新学年诚然意味着新挑战。对于新12年级的学生们来说，大学申请在即，在KEY大学规划团队的带领和指引下，信心满满地准备冲刺阶段。而刚刚迈入11年级的学生们也有条不紊地落实规划导师为他们制定的个人计划。在这最重要的最后一年里，每位学生都展现出了十足的斗志和信念，脚踏实地的朝着自己的目标迈进！

过去一年来，疫情风波不断，却止不住学生们对名校的向往。调查显示，北美地区名校申请数量激增，常春藤学校的申请者更是面临了前所未有的激烈竞争。以哈佛大学为例，该校2025届早期申请共计收到10, 089份申请，录取747人，同比增长57%。早期录取率为7.4%，而常规申请的录取率则惊人的创下历史新低，只有3.4%

下图为哈佛大学过去十年历届早期申请人数对比

申请藤校的竞争之激烈，好比是千军万马挤独木桥。想要从万千申请人中脱颖而出，一份引人注目的申请文书将是致胜的关键之一。

多年以来，KEY深耕北美教育领域，充分了解华裔家庭在申请北美顶尖名校时所遇到的困难和挑战。通过我们量身订制的申请方案，成功帮助无数华裔申请者展现自身的闪光点，从而顺利斩获藤校offer。丰富的经验让我们成为了北美大学规划领域的急先锋和佼佼者。

今年，KEY还收到了The Harvard Crimson - 哈佛大学官方校报的特别邀请，点评哈佛大学2021 TOP 10 录取文书中来自华裔申请人的一篇。

Successful Harvard Essay - Nicolas

When I failed math in my sophomore year of high school, a bitter dispute engulfed my household -- “Nicolas Yan vs. Mathematics.” I was the plaintiff, appearing pro se, while my father represented the defendant (inanimate as it was). My brother and sister constituted a rather understaffed jury, and my mother presided over the case as judge.

In a frightening departure from racial stereotype, I charged Mathematics with the capital offenses of being “too difficult” and “irrelevant to my aspirations," citing my recent shortcomings in the subject as evidence. My father entered a not guilty plea on the defendant's behalf, for he had always harbored hopes that I would follow in his entrepreneurial footsteps -- and whoever heard of a businessman who wasn't an accomplished mathematician? He argued that because I had fallen sick before my examination and had been unable to sit one of the papers, it would be a travesty of justice to blame my "Ungraded” mark on his client. The judge nodded sagely.

With heartrending pathos, I recalled how I had studied A-Level Mathematics with calculus a year before the rest of my cohort, bravely grappling with such perverse concepts as the poisson distribution to no avail. I decried the subject's lack of real-life utility and lamented my inability to reconcile further effort with any plausible success; so that to persist with Mathematics would be a Sisyphean endeavor. Since I had no interest in becoming the entrepreneur that my father envisioned, I petitioned the court for academic refuge in the humanities. The members of the jury exchanged sympathetic glances and put their heads together to deliberate.

In hushed tones, they weighed the particulars of the case. Then, my sister announced their unanimous decision with magisterial gravity: "Nicolas shouldn't have to do math if he doesn't want to!" I was ecstatic; my father distraught. With a bang of her metaphorical gavel, the judge sentenced the defendant to "Death by Omission"-- and so I chose my subjects for 11th Grade sans Mathematics. To my father's disappointment, a future in business for me now seemed implausible.

Over the next year, however, new evidence that threw the court's initial verdict into question surfaced. Languishing on death row, Mathematics exercised its right to appeal, and so our quasi-court reconvened in the living room.

My father reiterated his client's innocence, maintaining that Mathematics was neither "irrelevant" nor "too difficult." He proudly recounted how just two months earlier, when my friends had convinced me to join them in creating a business case competition for high school students (clerical note: the loftily-titled New Zealand Secondary Schools Case Competition), I stood in front of the Board of a company and successfully pitched them to sponsor us-- was this not evidence that l could succeed in business? I think I saw a tear roll down his cheek as he implored me to give Mathematics another chance.

I considered the truth of his words. While writing a real-world business case for NZSSCC, l had been struck by how mathematical processes actually made sense when deployed in a practical context, and how numbers could tell a story just as vividly as words can. By reviewing business models and comparing financial projections to actual returns, one can read a company's story and identify areas of potential growth; whether the company then took advantage of these opportunities determined its success. It wasn't that my role in organizing NZSSCC had magically taught me to embrace all things mathematical or commercial -- I was still the same person -- but I recognized that no intellectual constraints prevented me from succeeding in Mathematics; I needed only the courage to seize an opportunity for personal growth.

I stood up and addressed my family: “I’ll do it.” Then, without waiting for the court’s final verdict, I crossed the room to embrace my father: and the rest, as they (seldom) say, was Mathematics.

原文链接：https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-20…

Nicolas的文书以“与数学作斗争”为题材，讲述了他从抵触学习数学，到逐渐理解数学在实际生活中的用途，并欣然接受数学的转变。其中，父亲是影响这个心理转变的重要人物。Nicolas在文书中选用第一人称，将他与家人就“是否继续学习数学”这一话题以法庭辩论的形式呈现出来：Nicolas站在“原告”席，自己“上庭”面对“法官”母亲，而数学作为“被告”，由父亲为其代理辩护，Nicolas的两个兄妹组成陪审团。

通过讲述他学习数学的心路历程，Nicolas引出了更深一层的话题：他与父亲的关系。

最初，他仿佛与父亲站在对立面。父亲期望他将来从事商业方面的活动，认为出色的数学能力十分必要。在整个过程中，父亲不断鼓舞Nicolas，利用他在“新西兰中学生创业竞赛” (The New Zealand Secondary School's Case Competition) 中的出色表现，证明他学习数学的能力和数学的实际用途。渐渐地，Nicolas意识到，数学本身并没有那么难以攻克，他缺乏的只是抓住机会去提升自我的勇气。

文章以Nicolas与父亲的拥抱结尾，体现出Nicolas的成长：他不再抗拒学习数学，更重要的是，在与数学“博弈”的过程中，他认识到了自身无限的潜能，以及父亲给予他的无限的爱和支持。

为了更好的分析Bryan的点评，我们将从以下两个层面为家长同学们剖析内容：

第一层：写作技巧与题材选择

第二层：文章深度与主题连贯性

很显然，常规的顺叙议论文往往只会让招生官读起来味同嚼蜡，所以提高阅读体验则是关键因素。那么如何提高阅读体验？

独特的题材和创意写作技巧往往能使人眼前一亮。同样一类文章的阅读体验会因为写作技巧和选材的不同而相差甚远。当代优质文书已经不再满足于“凤头”，“猪肚”，“豹尾”。学生必须根据文书题目找到最适合自己的独特题材，再熟练的将不同的写作手法（比喻，拟人，顺叙，倒叙，蒙太奇等等）加以运用。最后呈现出非常新颖的文章风格以吸引招生官的眼球。

就像Bryan在点评中提到的，“数学”是极具代入感和共鸣感的题材，Nicolas以此为话题中心，将家庭关系形容成法庭上的各个角色，这一小小的写作技巧再加上恰到好处的题材选择，成就了整篇文章的质量和阅读体验。

如果你觉得满足第一层次的文书已经足够优秀，那么你可能距离常春藤级别的文书还相差甚远。换句话说，光有写作技巧和独特题材是远远不够的，真正能使文章绽放其独特异彩的是文章的深度和主题延展性。我们常说，一篇好的文章不仅仅是在诉说有趣的故事，还展现出学生们的世界观，价值观，人生观；把最好的自己展现给大学。

就像前文提到的，“数学”本身已经足够能引起共鸣，因为数学是很多高中生的通病。但是Nicolas将话题展开，提高了主题延展性和内容深度：从“数学成绩”出发，延展到了“家庭”，“亲情”，“父爱”，“自我认知”等一连串的话题。点评中Bryan也清楚的提出：Nicolas的成功在于他挖掘出了深刻的题材并连接到了个人生活的方方面面，以便于展现他的个人特点和想法。而这，也成就了这篇文章被哈佛大学看中的事实。

文书是大学申请最令学生头痛的材料之一，许多12年级的学生在实际要下笔撰写文书时，才意识到过往的经历与目标申请的专业难以展现出高度的吻合，造成文书的写作上有一定程度的挑战。然而要根本的解决这个问题，学生需要从11年级开始，订定目标申请的专业与学校，进而有根据性地收窄正在进行课外活动，获得能够在文书内展现的个人成就，同时选择匹配的专业选修科目，展现出对该领域的热情。

如果您还不知道应该如何开始，不如先与KEY做一次免费的申请咨询吧，由我们专业的顾问团队来针对您家庭的情况，给与下一步的准备的明确指引，快联系我们报名吧。